20 March 2011

.presentness. .eternity.

For what feels like the first time in my life, I've been living in the present. Not just living for the next trip, the next appointment, the next job, the next meeting. Today. Like today is all there is. Not in a sentimental, super-spiritual sense. But in a daily life sense. When it comes to communicating in the Deaf-world, there is no multi-tasking. When we are communicating, that's all we're doing. There's no, I'm-talking-with-you-but-thinking-about-something-else-and-washing-dishes-at-the-same-time. It's just me, them, and conversation. In a way, it's beautiful. It's attention and focus. It's present-ness.

However, at the same time, the Lord opened my eyes with fresh perspective last night. While it's good to be present, it's also vital to maintain a "big picture" perspective. One mustn't exist without the other.

"Wherever you are, be all there. Live to the hilt of every situation you believe to be the will of God." --Jim Elliot

What feels like forever ago, I worked as a high school interpreter. And the thing that struck me most about the younger high school kids was their tunnel-vision. Their entire worlds caved in over little things like not being asked by a certain person to homecoming, or not making the audition for a school play. Minor, minor issues in the grand scheme of life. Yet, it was everything to them. For many of them, it was as if high school was all that existed in their world -- they couldn't seem to see beyond the 12th grade. Their whole world was here & now: high school.

I've realized I've become very much like those high-school students the last month or so. While I love being here at DOOR, living in the present, and this new life that has become so everyday normal and familiar to me... I have found myself being so emotionally overwhelmed and exhausted over the littlest of things. While I have a "big picture" vision, I find it easy to lose in the midst of pouring my energy and heart into being present. To begin to live like this is all there is... these people, this place, this task. He's reminding there is much more... beyond this. So while I feel Him calling me to be present, to pour out, and to invest... this is not the place to put down roots, no matter how much I've grown to love the people in this place. No matter how comfortable and familiar it is. No matter how much I fear the pain of saying goodbye.

Holding my hand, my Jesus again pulls me to the edge of the unknown, and points beyond the familiar... "See there, my beloved... come with me further. Don't pitch your tent. This is not the end. In fact, the journey has still only just begun."

Presentness.
Eternity.
Perspective.
Jesus. My Jesus.
He is the beginning of all things, and HE is the end.

19 March 2011

10 March 2011

heart-strings

The DOOR staff meets before work on Wednesday mornings for worship together. This Wednesday, as I sat there, surrounded by these people I've come to know and grown to love, I realized that I've already been here for 5 months! My internship is more than halfway over! I suddenly realized that there IS a day coming in another 4 months where I will have to say goodbye. My heart aches at the thought. How can I do it? You cannot come, grow to love, invest, share laughter & tears, and then not feel like you're tearing off a limb when you leave. And yet, at the same time, I miss home... long to hug my family... feel the pull of my heart towards still another place, another people. This life is such a beautiful, tangled, intricate web of the people, places, and experiences that make up our lives -- and HE is the common thread. HE is the familiar face, the familiar voice, and familiar weight on my heart. HE is the One who makes it all worthwhile -- no matter the ache, no matter the cost, no matter the distance. Because His LOVE transcends it all. Always.

05 March 2011

I am becoming quite used to...

... everything measured in grams or kilograms
... the second set of directions being given in Arabic instead of Spanish
... "military time" or 24-hour time rather than 12-hour A.M. and P.M.
... seeing everything in Celsius rather than Farenheit
... driving/walking on the left side of the road
... roundabouts instead of intersections
... referring to distance and speed in kilometers
... recognizing and writing the date in the European order of day/month/year. Thus, 7/3/2011 is actually March 7, 2011and not July 3, 2011

04 March 2011

the need is never the call

"If you have received a ministry from the Lord Jesus, you will know that the need is never the call: the need is the opportunity.  The call is loyalty to the ministry you received when you were in real touch with Him. This does not imply that there is a campaign for service marked out for you, but it does mean that you will have to ignore the demands for service along other lines." ~Oswald Chambers, excerpt from My Utmost For His Highest Devotional (March 5)

03 March 2011

things I miss, but not too much :)

So... I definitely miss my morning runs. down our road. and by the lake.
The mountains all around me, 360 degrees. =) And snow.
And, much to my surprise, I also miss playing the piano more than I could've thought.
Oh, and driving ... I miss driving. Particularly, driving in a non-treacherous, non-chaotic, non-mixed-traffic environment.