HIS very own

I've been home for two and a half weeks now... and the emotions have been up and down, but not too tumultuous... praise Jesus. I'm thankful. Very thankful. For so many things... so many people... so many precious lessons and life experiences that He's given me.

It's become very clear to me in the last couple weeks, that my heart is stubbornly rebellious and very fickle/two-sided. That's the bad news. But it's nothing new, and the good news is that it doesn't come as a surprise to my God. He knew all along, which is why He sent my Jesus down to pour out His blood and claim it as His own. This is the other thing He's made very clear, just today, as the words poured out of my mouth to a precious prayer partner: this messed up, rebellious, fickle heart of mine is HIS. And He tells me He doesn't see it the same way I do... because He looks through the lens of His Son. He calls me blameless, righteous, consecrated... and He calls my messy heart HIS OWN. With this simple reminder came much relief.

In this season of transition, He's saying, "Open your hands. Trust Me... open your hands..." You see, I did fall in love with the people of Africa. (I didn't expect to, but He knew I would before I went, and He sent me there.) Yet He has made it beyond clear that He has ordered my steps in this next season... in this other direction... and knows the path He has appointed for me to walk in. And He's reminding me if I stand here, looking back at what was a good gift, hands closed tightly around these people, these relationships... then I am not trusting Him in this next step or open to receiving with open hands the good gifts He has for me in this new season, this next step. He gives and He takes away, and He is worthy of my praise. He knows the loss. He knows the heartache. He knows the withdrawals we are all feeling. And, in a realm beyond our ability to see, He continues weaving together the strands of our lives... some to cross again and some to go in different directions and not to meet again till heaven. And He smiles... because He sees the finished picture, and it is gloriously beautiful.

Today, He reminds me... He has accepted my messy heart, so up and down, so desperately wanting to obey instantly in whatever He asks in one moment yet so rebellious in wanting to cling to what I want in the next. But the beautiful reality is this: He owns my heart. It is not mine... to keep or to give away. It is HIS. And I have the blessed assurance that the decision was already made long ago... that I would follow, no matter what He asked, no matter what it cost. My heart doesn't have a say... but the One who formed and created it, the One who knows its inner workings even better than I... He is the same One who ransomed and redeemed it... and I can say with Paul, "... I am not ashamed; for I know whom I have believed and I am convinced that He is able to guard what I have entrusted to Him until that day" (2 Timothy 1:12b, NASB). 

Worthy, worthy, worthy. He is WORTHY.