12 American Habits I lost while living in Eastern Africa

1) Standing in cue & waiting my turn – Because, even though there may be a cue… it really doesn’t mean as much. To stand in line and wait your turn is a sure recipe to not get served at all.

2) Wearing a seatbelt – Because often there isn’t a seatbelt. Or if there is it doesn’t work. Further more. the public transport is often so full there aren’t empty seats. So I stand. Often, contorted in a variety of gymnastic-worthy positions, due to the cramped space and pressing together of humanity.

3) Speaking my mind / Sharing my opinions openly – I still have opinions, yes. I just recognize I am a visitor here. An outsider. And I don’t have the whole story from which my opinions should be formed… I only see a part. And those around me do not freely express their opinions. What right have I as the foreigner? None.

4) Standing up for myself when someone wrongs me & telling people off – When I have lewd comments yelled at me, or get called “white foreigner” for the umpteenth time, or have things thrown at me or people spit on me… I remain silent. Collected. Unfazed (on the outside). Because speaking out and showing anger is not appropriate and can even be a sign that you are “mad” (mentally unstable). I have learned the hard way that addressing such behavior directly actually only makes it worse. So silence is the best option.

5) Expecting things to happen in an efficient time frame – My African brothers and sisters are never in a hurry. Life is about people, relationships, and events… it’s not about tasks. So tasks can be extended or postponed for a variety of reasons, and it’s ok. Our relationship is more important. We have time. As one friend said recently, “Time is running towards us, not away from us.”

6) Requiring a large personal space bubble – Whether it’s in public taxis, on the train, sitting in church, on a bus, in someone’s home when there is a wedding or funeral or birthday or birth, in a supermarket aisle, in cue, in a cafe or restaurant, or even simply walking down the street… space is found or made for more souls. Personal space? What’s that? More like communal space… everywhere, at all times. No that’s not exclusively your chair, or seat, or table, or stool… for there’s always room to share with one more person.

7) Expecting stores to stock an item indefinitely – I see sesame seed oil and dill pickles at the supermarket. Counting my cash on hand, I decide to buy them next time. But a week later when I return, the entire aisle is restocked with completely different items. Those, which I have never seen before in stock, are gone for good. One week you find 2 kg bags of shredded coconut, then never again for two years. Toilet paper multi-packs are everywhere, then disappear for 6 months. Normal. Just go with it. When you see it, buy it… or resolve to live without and not mind.

8) Monthly or bi-monthly shopping trips – Very limited pre-packaged food, and fewer preservatives… means all cooking is from scratch, and much healthier. I love, love, love this, even though it takes more time. So much better for our bodies. But it also means that food doesn’t have a long shelf life. Milk & bread turn after 3-4 days. Our veggies aren’t refrigerated and last about a week. So it means more frequent shopping trips and fresher food.

9) Using a planner/schedule – I still have a planner/calendar – I just only use it for checking the date or writing down when I paid bills… because scheduling/planning things much in advance is out. Especially planning a day in any sort of hourly schedule… just ain’t happening. Ever. There are too many unknown, uncontrolled variables… your taxi breaking down, not getting a taxi. the mail not showing up, a random friend stopping by, an unexpected visit from a neighbor or landlord, the internet goes out, the water is off, the power is off… just go with it. Life is more spontaneous…and exciting.

10) Impersonal patron/client relationships – Because buying/selling is also about relationships. Going to the same cafe matter. Using the same market stalls and building relationships with your stall owners matters… it brings better prices, better quality produce, credit when you are a little cash shy of your bill, warm greetings of your welfare when you miss a week, and so much more. Greeting the guards you walk by everyday – they notice when you aren’t there or things are amiss, and they check on you. Impersonal interactions throughout the day are unheard of. Relationships – personal, friendly, growing constantly. Does it affect efficiency? Actually no, it builds it – because, when I walk up to my bread selling stall, she just looks up, smiles, and says “how many today?” Or my local supermarket, when I get ready to check out will ask me whether I am forgetting my eggs today (and I often am!).

11) Not getting to know my neighbors – The kids are always at my door when my Love gets home from work. They know it means free bananas. We share laundry lines, garbage day reminders, and huge smiles when the water comes back on after a several day absence. My adopted mom/grandma below us is always ready to make me practice my language learning phrases, teaches me the names of local spices she is pounding on whatever day, and shares tastes of her homemade treats. They watch for me when I’m away, or even when I’m home alone. They make sure I don’t miss out on any important information, as the newbie. And they are quick to help anytime. I’m learning to do the same whenever I can.

12) Relying on power/water/phone/internet systems to work all the time – because it most likely will be off at some point. Roll with it. Before I moved to East Africa, I never hoarded water and backup batteries. Now my life schedule revolves around when the water is on – and filling every possible container in my house. Washing on water days. Reading and writing snail mail letters on no power days. Always having backup everything on hand, just in case. It was baffling to my African friends… which was baffling to me. “You don’t stock up?” I ask… “Why?” they reply. “It’s just life.”