"until the LORD gives rest to your brothers..."

⁸ So we took the land at that time out of the hand of the two kings of the Amorites who were beyond the Jordan, from the Valley of the Arnon to Mount Hermon. ... ¹² “When we took possession of this land at that time, I gave to the Reubenites and the Gadites the territory beginning at Aroer, which is on the edge of the Valley of the Arnon, and half the hill country of Gilead with its cities. ¹³ The rest of Gilead, and all Bashan, the kingdom of Og, that is, all the region of Argob, I gave to the half-tribe of Manasseh. (All that portion of Bashan is called the land of Rephaim. ¹⁴ Jair the Manassite took all the region of Argob, that is, Bashan, as far as the border of the Geshurites and the Maacathites, and called the villages after his own name, Havvoth-jair, as it is to this day.) ¹⁵ To Machir I gave Gilead, ¹⁶ and to the Reubenites and the Gadites I gave the territory from Gilead as far as the Valley of the Arnon, with the middle of the valley as a border, as far over as the river Jabbok, the border of the Ammonites; ¹⁷ the Arabah also, with the Jordan as the border, from Chinnereth as far as the Sea of the Arabah, the Salt Sea, under the slopes of Pisgah on the east.

¹⁸ “And I commanded you at that time, saying, ‘The Lord your God has given you this land to possess. All your men of valor shall cross over armed before your brothers, the people of Israel. ¹⁹ Only your wives, your little ones, and your livestock (I know that you have much livestock) shall remain in the cities that I have given you, ²⁰ until the Lord gives rest to your brothers, as to you, and they also occupy the land that the Lord your God gives them beyond the Jordan. Then each of you may return to his possession which I have given you.’
²¹ And I commanded Joshua at that time, ‘Your eyes have seen all that the Lord your God has done to these two kings. So will the Lord do to all the kingdoms into which you are crossing. ²² You shall not fear them, for it is the Lord your God who fights for you.’
Deuteronomy 3:8, 12-22 (ESV)

I am struck by this passage. It hits a deep chord that resonates in my spirit. Yes. Yes. "Until the Lord gives your brothers rest." "Until they also possess the land which the Lord your God will give them."

What is the promised land? Hebrews 4 alludes to it being an analogy for entering into God's rest. Entering into His grace and rest from works of the flesh. It is a place dependence on His spirit, His power, His grace. It is the abundant life. Life IN Christ. The promised land, flowing with milk and honey, full of abundance and rest from the enemy who was defeated by His strength when they entered.

So why does this passage affect me so deeply? I've had so many conversations with so many believers from so many places. Not nearly enough as I would like... and I'm thankful for the opportunity live and interact with so many different brothers and sisters. But I see many who are new in their faith, or who are young in their faith, and are striving to understand the freedom of His grace. Who are still very much bound by rules, expectations, cultural norms, etc. Who are struggling with lies and don't have the truth in their own language. Sure, they have it in perhaps another language they try to access it in - but it is not clear, it doesn't make sense, they don't understand.

I feel the Holy Spirit nudging me to action. To taking up their struggle with prayer. To stand with them against the lies, speaking truth... maybe even standing with them to translate the truth into their own language and cultural context.

When I feel tempted to say, "I've had enough. I want to rest. Let me sit back and revel in my east-of-the-Jordan-River inheritance..." His spirit whispers, "What of your brothers and sisters... they have yet to claim their inheritance. No, My child, it is not time for rest, it is time for action. Until your brothers and sisters also receive their inheritance and their rest... the possession I have for them... then, and only then, is it the proper time to rest."

You see... there is no "fend for yourself" in His sovereign realm. There is only community, unity, and "one anothers." May I never, ever forget this, Lord. And each time I am tempted to pitch my tent, drive down stakes, and settle down in my own inheritance on this side of the Jordan... urge me out, and forward, with my brothers and sisters... until we can all together possess our inheritance of faith and rest.

¹⁰ And Joshua commanded the officers of the people, ¹¹ “Pass through the midst of the camp and command the people, ‘Prepare your provisions, for within three days you are to pass over this Jordan to go in to take possession of the land that the Lord your God is giving you to possess.’”
¹² And to the Reubenites, the Gadites, and the half-tribe of Manasseh Joshua said, ¹³ “Remember the word that Moses the servant of the Lord commanded you, saying, ‘The Lord your God is providing you a place of rest and will give you this land.’ ¹⁴ Your wives, your little ones, and your livestock shall remain in the land that Moses gave you beyond the Jordan, but all the men of valor among you shall pass over armed before your brothers and shall help them, ¹⁵ until the Lord gives rest to your brothers as he has to you, and they also take possession of the land that the Lord your God is giving them. Then you shall return to the land of your possession and shall possess it, the land that Moses the servant of the Lord gave you beyond the Jordan toward the sunrise.”

Joshua 1:10-15, ESV

on my bucket list

I've been wanting an African name for years. Or even just an African nickname would suffice. Yet, my ASL sign-name stayed even after several years and multiple Deaf language communities. After a text message yesterday, I was struck with the realization that I DO have a spoken language African nickname... and have all this time... I've just been in staunch denial of what it is. :-p "Beti."  #Bettyisanoldladyname #washopingforsomethingelse #certainlynottribal #ohwell #winsomelosesome

My Amharic name is Betaniya  - which is really not that different, but has emotional roots now when I hear it in a different context. :-)

endless transitions

To adjust --> "familiarize oneself with; to acclimate; become accustomed to; come to terms with..." And in our case, to adjust to rapid change & constant transitions.

There are some days I mentally tick off the list of major transitions in my life over the last two years, just to remind myself that I'm not losing it, and having days of just be-ing are ok... needed, even. It's not to applaud myself or give excuse for laziness. It's just the reminder that this is NOT normal life for MOST people... and to give myself some necessary grace on the days I just can't seem to tell up from down.

Just coming back from 3 months Stateside. Coming back to a sink that isn't draining, a toilet that is leaking, and feeling the squish of water that has seeped under the kitchen flooring and will need to be replaced. Coming back just to throw down our bags and run to our teammates' house to help them pack up their lives to go home... for good. Coming back just to say goodbye again.

Yet also coming back to elated neighbors... the smiling faces of the kids in our complex who have mastered the word "Chocolate??" :-) Coming back to warm wishes of "happy holiday" and "happy new year" as we rung in 2008 on the Ethiopian calendar. Coming home to the hugs of friends who pretend their eyes are not misty from missing us. Coming home to relatives who try not to call us to give us time to rest and settle back in.

Transition. Job changes. Home changes. Relationship changes. Marital status changes. Team changes. Physical social network changes.  Weather changes. Visa status changes. Yet... I am reminded I have a loving, faithful, sovereign Father who is UNCHANGING. A Rock. Yesterday morning, as I sat in my corner chair, morning sunlight peeking through the curtains, He lead me here in Isaiah 44, verse 8: "Do not tremble and do not be afraid... ... Is there any God besides me, or is there any other Rock?" No, Lord, there is not. You alone. My Rock. And then this beautiful promise in Isaiah 43, verse 15-16: "I am the LORD, your Holy One, the Creator..... who makes a way through the sea and a path through the mighty waters." My Rock. My Anchor. The Sea-ruler, Way-maker, & Storm-calmer. The Holy One, my Creator. You alone.


And I opened my laptop to find what tasks awaited me, and found hope, encouragement, affirmation, and challenge from others who walk this journey - so very different, and yet parallel my own. I am convicted to re-think ministry when local partnerships just aren't working well. I am validated and heartened by those who know the heart-rending of adjusting to constant comings and goings of teammates and friends. I am strengthened by women who understand and know the weight and indignity of harassment in our daily environments and refuse to be quiet about it.

And I am struck by how very odd it is, that those who ministered the most to me yesterday, were not even people I have ever met in person or would venture to call my friends. But they are brothers and sisters who know my journey struggles and joys, perhaps better than those who know me well. And I am reminded that I am part of something so much bigger and grander than this little chaotic world of my own. And this thrills and burns my heart to praise and rejoice. For He is the author of the story. And we serve the same Father. And He knows the end from the beginning. He is the Rock. The Anchor, in a life of endless adjusting, changing, and transition. And you, fellow bloggers and writers, have touched my life, and spoken into my story. Thank you.

Linking up with Velvet Ashes today, on the theme: "Adjust"

Will you trust Me – for today and for tomorrow?

 It was a hot July evening in 2012, sitting on the grassy bank of a stream, as the evening light began to fade and the mosquitoes started making their presence known. It was a quiet place to think. A place to get away and alone with my thoughts... which, this particular evening, was a scary prospect.

I had been away from East Africa for a year now, yet I was still awaiting the morning I would wake without a heaviness in my chest and an ache in my heart of missing Africa with every fiber of my being. I was back in the States on purpose, to further my education, and prepare for a move to SE Asia. That had been the plan all along. At least, that had been my plan. In fact, I had spent the last year reminding myself of this. And I was no further along this evening than I was the first days of arriving "home" to American soil.

My heart was in knots. My spirit in turmoil. And to add to the plot, there was also this one guy... the one I kept resolutely factoring out of the equation when his name was whispered continually through my mind. After all, we were just friends. We were of different cultural, linguistic, and social backgrounds. We lived on different continents. We came from very different communities. And yet, my mind (and my heart) were continually drawn back to him. Despite all my denial, we were skyping on a weekly basis and corresponding even more frequently.

I was a mess. All my "well laid" plans and expectations were now a complex ball of limbo. Internally, I was battling fear of being my own worst enemy and making the wrong choices and the wrong decisions and royally messing everything up. So, that night on the bank of that stream, I was too consumed with swarms of fear and confusion and questions without answers to even heed the swarming bugs.

As I poured my heart out into a journal, hoping the verbal processing would bring some sort of order to my mental chaos, I wrote until I could no longer see the page through tears. I finally dropped the journal into the grass and cried out, "Why are You silent!? I NEED answers. I need to KNOW what You want me to do. I don't know, and I need to know. Why won't You just tell me??"

As the words faded into the buzz of mosquitoes, His voice gently flooded into my agonized spirit, "B, do you trust me for today?" Still in an attitude of frustration and impatience, I irreverently snapped back at Him that since it was already night time, that was a dumb question. Unfazed and ever patient, He whispered, "Ok then, will you trust me for tomorrow?" Realization flooded through me, that this was about to be a significant decision point. Mollified, I said yes. "That is all you need to know. Trust me, love." He finished tenderly.

Each morning following that evening encounter, He whispered the same two questions to me when I woke: "Do you trust me for today? Will you trust me for tomorrow?" He was asking me to surrender my need to know, my need to plan, my need for the answers... to, rather, trust Him, and His love, and His sovereignty, and His goodness and guidance. Yes, Lord, for today and for tomorrow, I will trust You.

And I discovered that in trusting Him--one day at a time, and walking in trust and obedience THAT day, and then the next day, and then the next--I found peace in His capable hands. He shifted my focus from the problems, the confusion, the limbo, the questions, to His heart.

Today, almost 3 years later, I am amazed to see what God has done with that simple trust. You know, that guy--the one on a different continent who I kept factoring OUT of the equation. He is now my husband. And I still wake up each morning with a love and ache for Africa, as I wake up on her soil;  she is now my home.

Linking up this week with The Grove @ Velvet Ashes.

"to be a help" or just "to be"?

THIS. I have been looking for THIS quote for over a year now. It is one of those that has shaped my own view of "ministry."

"I found a very subtle snare... I sought their fellowship in order that I might minister to them, 'be a help,' you know, to these 'weaker' ones. What a rebuke came when I sensed my real motive--that 'I' might minister. Love hacks right at this, for she refuses to parade herself. I learned to recognize no 'spiritual planes,' but simply to LOVE, purely, in every group. Trying to 'be a help' even has a smell of good works in it, for it is not pure. Our motive is only to BE--do nothing, know nothing, act nothing--just to be a sinful bit of flesh, born of a Father's love. Then you see, Beloved, there can be no defeat." 

(Excerpt from "The Shadow of the Almighty: The Life and Testament of Jim Elliot")

What do you think?

how to fold the laundry (married life musings)

You know, those ingrained habits we all have? Those ones we don’t see until suddenly someone else is there and, somehow, someway, revealing all these things you were unaware of about yourself?

Like, how you fold your laundry. Or that you actually, like, had deeply rooted feelings related to how the laundry is folded. I mean, c’mon, really? Who cares? Well, apparently you did. Hah! Joke’s on you.

Thirds or quarters? Length-wise or width-wise. Put in the cabinet facing backwards or forwards? Fold out or in?

But the biggest question is: Does it really, freaking, matter? Well… No. But then again, kinda yes.

No, it doesn’t matter, ultimately. There is no right or wrong way to fold laundry. There are “more effective” ways, and “less wrinkling” ways, and “space saving” ways… but there is no law or rulebook on how laundry MUST be folded. Just as there is no law or rulebook on how you should wash laundry, or how your should take a shower (with or without water spraying against the wall or straight down or whatever), or how you should cut vegetables up, or when you should take the garbage out, or what categories your should organize your bookshelf into, or how to squeeze that infamous toothpaste tube. But sometimes… it certainly feels like there should have been a rulebook… Am I right?

Now, I had always considered myself quite flexible. I mean, seriously… I have moved over a dozen times in the last 8 years, living in multiple countries (sometimes at the same time), learning bits and pieces of multiple spoken languages, not to mention countless sign languages. Crossing cultures and adapting… All the time. I’ve had more roommates in the last decade of my life than I can count (no, really… more than I can count). So… I figured, yeah… I’m set. This whole adapting thing will be no sweat. WRONG.

My last roommate before marriage was the best and worst thing for me. Our relationship and living together was effortless. Like, we never, ever had to think or talk about it. It just meshed, and flowed, and sailed along with all the ease of a tailwind. A blessing, because she came a crucial, stressful and overwhelming season of my life and job and just picked up all the pieces and wove them into something organized, manageable, and shared. And, though we’ve traveled the world together, shared hotel rooms, shared clothes and food, and shared some crazy experiences… honestly, I have no idea how she folded the laundry. Whether she kept all her preferences in check (I doubt this, highly – nobody can do that for 2 years living with outspoken me) or we just complimented each other that well… it did not prepare me for switching to a lifemate, who isn’t even going to try to hide preferences… because this is supposed to be about middle ground and compromises and blended lives.

So back to the laundry… in this and many other things, I’m learning to let go of how I think it should be done, and just rejoice that I have a Love and Life-mate who wants and enjoys doing things like helping fold laundry, wash dishes, clean the house, cook meals, etc. I am so thankful. And yes, in some ways, it does kinda matter how you fold those towels, pillow cases, and blankets. Before, when they were thrown in the box on top of my closet, you had to fold them to fit into the box. But now that they go in that new cabinet, the old way of folding them no longer works – cause they stick out and prevent the doors from closing. So, even this girl with all her particularities, it learning how to re-train and re-fold. And, get this, all our randomly sized and shaped towels and blankets all have to be folded differently depending on their shape/size because they won’t fit into the cabinet any other way. Bahahahaha… don’t tell me God doesn’t have a sense of humor. Or that He doesn’t have a vested interest in continually pushing me beyond my own personal boundaries. Smile. Cause He does.

In conclusion: I love the lessons and stretching of married life. I love my husband. I love this new journey we are on together. And yes, I will give up my unspoken rulebook all over again and again, for this beautiful adventure of compromise and blending lives.