leaving asia

I was riding in the back of a tuk-tuk, hearing the sputtering engine... small bursts of adrenaline at each acceleration, feeling the seat tip slightly back, as if it will go over backwards.

I've only been here a month, and a part of me is sad to leave.
It's one of those days I just don't understand my heart.
Days where the unfamiliar is uncomfortable.
And yet being uncomfortable is familiar.
So, that familiarity is a comfortable place to be.

I am drawn to the unknown. To the unfamiliar.
To the adventurous mingling of both excitement and fear.
Yet, simultaneously, feel a pull towards the known,
the safety of the familiar, where I can let my guard down.

In 11 days, I will return to East Africa. The place I left my heart 14 months ago.

Have you ever wanted something so bad that you were terrified to hope for it?
Even when it looked like it would happen, you were terrified to let your heart believe it was true?
Because, if it doesn't end up working out after all... you knew devastation would be inevitable?
I fear to hope... to let myself believe it's true... until I step off the airplane and onto her soil, this continent that is so deeply rooted in my heart... until I wrap my arms around these people who are so very precious to me.