Closer...

"As God pulls me closer to the center of His will, He is only pulling me closer to Him. As I choose to trust Him, again and again and again and again, He promises me that He is changing me into His likeness. And closer to Him? That is the only place I really want to be."
(Katie Davis, 23 year old mother of 13 adopted daughters)

a misfit by choice...

Moving Around Without Losing Your Roots

contextualized "guess who" ;-)

So... you know the whole "guess who" game when a friend runs up behind you and puts their hands over your eyes?? Then commence the minutes of trying to determine by using all your other senses -- who is this person!? Their smell, feel of their hands, sounds, etc.

This afternoon, while leaving from a meeting with a Deaf colleague, a Deaf friend came up behind me and... put their hands over my ears!! Because clearly I need to be able to see the person in front of me who is helping me determine who is behind me... ha ha! Second time this has happened since I arrived, and it just tickles me... Deaf contextualization in action! I love it!

that deep fulfillment and peace...

... of knowing, without question, that you are--in this moment-- right in the very centre of His will for you... in this place, this time, with these people... even in all the messiness of life here on earth. There aren't words....

faith like Caleb

The last couple weeks I've been reading Joshua. Wow... so much packed into this book!!

Stopped in chapter 14 this morning... challenged and inspired by Caleb's faith in Joshua 14:6-15. Here is an 85 year old man--the only aged man besides Joshua who saw both the wilderness and the promised land--who asks for the remaining city of giants as his inheritance, staking his claim on the promise God had given him forty-five years before. Man. I can just picture him standing there, eyes flashing boldly:

“Now, as you can see, the Lord has kept me alive and well as he promised for all these forty-five years since Moses made this promise—even while Israel wandered in the wilderness. Today I am eighty-five years old. I am as strong now as I was when Moses sent me on that journey, and I can still travel and fight as well as I could then. So give me the hill country that the Lord promised me. You will remember that as scouts we found the descendants of Anak living there in great, walled towns. But if the Lord is with me, I will drive them out of the land, just as the Lord said" (Joshua 14:10-12, NCV).

I want that kind of faith. That unwavering confidence. That zealous spirit to recognize, claim, and strive after the realization of God's promises... in my own life, and in the lives of those around me. Amazing!

When I look back in Caleb's life, I see it rooted in two, simple things: (1) belief (that God is who He says and will do what He promises), and (2) obedience (putting feet to his faith). And I am encouraged... because Caleb's God, and my God... they are One and the same. Hallelujah!!!

leaving asia

I was riding in the back of a tuk-tuk, hearing the sputtering engine... small bursts of adrenaline at each acceleration, feeling the seat tip slightly back, as if it will go over backwards.

I've only been here a month, and a part of me is sad to leave.
It's one of those days I just don't understand my heart.
Days where the unfamiliar is uncomfortable.
And yet being uncomfortable is familiar.
So, that familiarity is a comfortable place to be.

I am drawn to the unknown. To the unfamiliar.
To the adventurous mingling of both excitement and fear.
Yet, simultaneously, feel a pull towards the known,
the safety of the familiar, where I can let my guard down.

In 11 days, I will return to East Africa. The place I left my heart 14 months ago.

Have you ever wanted something so bad that you were terrified to hope for it?
Even when it looked like it would happen, you were terrified to let your heart believe it was true?
Because, if it doesn't end up working out after all... you knew devastation would be inevitable?
I fear to hope... to let myself believe it's true... until I step off the airplane and onto her soil, this continent that is so deeply rooted in my heart... until I wrap my arms around these people who are so very precious to me.

He delights in this...

Excerpts from a sermon by David Platt of the Church at Brookhills. I'm sorry, I do not recall which one... just found this quote I'd transcribed when I listened to the message...  AMAZING, this God who delights to be so frequently 'bothered' by little me!!!

God delights in revealing himself to those who are bold enough to bother Him.

Imagine there's a time in my life where I'm really, really busy, and traveling, and the weight of things at church are really heavy - so I'm feeling crowded in all around and my wife comes to me and says, "David, I know you're really busy and have a lot of your plate, but I've got some things going on in my life that I'm struggling with and I don't want to bother you with them but I do want to share them with you."

She's hesitant to do that cause she doesn't want to bother me. When that happens, what am I going to say to my wife? "Yeah there is a lot going on, but I want you to bother me with the burdens and hurts in your life. In fact, I delight in the fact that I'm the one you come to to bother with those things and the only thing that would really bother me is if you went to someone else instead of coming to me with those things. That's why I'm here. I want to be bothered by the things in your life."

Now get the picture! Yes, God is sovereign. Yes, He is in control of the whole universe. And He is carrying out His purposes and His plans. Here's the beauty... He delights... He absolutely delights in being the One you come to with your hurts and your cares and your struggles! Please let this soak in!

God delights in revealing himself to you when you're bold enough to bother him. In fact, I think He would say the only thing that bothers him is when you don't come to him with those things and you go to someone or something else with them.

The Love of God, verse 3

Could we with ink the ocean fill,
And were the skies of parchment made,
Were every stalk on earth a quill,
And every man a scribe by trade;
To write the love of God above
Would drain the ocean dry;
Nor could the scroll contain the whole,
Though stretched from sky to sky.

(Frederick M. Lehman, Public Domain)

a benevolent oppressor?

"Superiority cloaked in a desire to serve is still superiority. It's not our words that count but the perception of the local people who watch our lives and sense our attitudes. ... If you try to serve people without understanding them, you are more likely to be perceived as a benevolent oppressor." ~Duane Elmer, excerpt Cross-Cultural Servanthood (Downers Grove, Ill: InterVarsity Press, 2009), p. 17.

The above quote is one of many issues addressed in this book about Cross-Cultural Partnerships by Mary Lederleitner. I recommend to every Westerner who intends to work cross-culturally.

not the burden of my heart's choice

-->

If, when an answer I did not expect comes to a prayer
which I believed I truly meant, I shrink back from it;
if the burden my Lord asks me to bear
be not the burden of my heart’s choice,
and I fret inwardly and do not welcome His will,
then I know nothing of Calvary love.

Amy Carmichael, "If"

don't believe in love at first sight?

Neither did I.

But, I can honestly say, I loved this precious one from the moment I first saw her.

And, I can tell you:
594 days later...
I'm still a lost cause.

:-)

my 38-hour Thursday

Time travel IS possible. Particularly if you're time zone hopping and heading east over the International date line. It's makes for an odd day though... with one morning, but two nights.

This morning, from my taxi on the way to the airport, I saw bare-bottomed Filipino kiddos all soaped up and getting their morning bath on the sidewalk... several yards further along, sparks flew as a young man welded an iron fence together... a just a little after that, an older man leaned against a truck, shirt rolled up to his chest, his belly shamelessly greeting the day. My Filipino taxi driver was quite upset over the current protests surrounding the Scarborough shoals. I continually tried to steer the conversation to less political topics, but he was not easily distracted. Hah! :-)

Made it to ICN international airport and found a large "etiquette bell" button mounted on the wall of each bathroom stall. Hmmmmmm... I was curious enough to take a picture, but not enough to actually push it. ;-) Turns out, it makes a loud toilet flushing sound to help muffle out any other unpleasant sounds one might hear in a bathroom. Definitely "a 'hearing people' thing." When I mentioned it, a colleague pointed out that the walls were for the sake of us "visual people." ;-)

Arrived in LAX and back on U.S. soil to some very friendly customs ladies who told me all about the things people have tried to bring through from Southeast Asia: "You don't have any elephant toenails in your bag, do you?" Ha ha! No, Ma'am!
Shocked to see prices of food at the airport!! And $4 for water... whaaaaat!? Oh, and another fun US shock... did you know that you can have your e-ticket ON your iPhone and just scan your ticket barcode on your phone screen when you go through security and board the plane??? First time I've ever seen that! Also a bit surprised that all the announcements came over the loudspeakers FIRST in Spanish, and THEN in English. Wow.

Finally... I got on the plane in Manila this morning in 34*C/93*F weather. I'll be deplaning in Oregon tonight in 4*C/39*F weather. Brrrrr!! And it's May!

just another evening in Manila

sitting on the covered patio as the remaining light fades from dusk to night
inhaling the lingering scent of a late afternoon thundershower
seeing lightening now off in the distance over the next mountain ridge
listening to the symphony of night insects
a man is making his nightly round walking down the street, selling, "balut, baluuuuuuut!" [what is balut? find out here]
hearing geckos chirping from different corners of the grounds... one chirps above me...
looking up just in time to see it's tail disappear over a rafter beam
watching the palm trees dance gently in the breeze
inhale... exhale...
and tomorrow, another goodbye to another beautiful place and more beautiful people

"You've never done anything slow in your life have you?"

--said a chiropractor while showing me a strengthening exercise which should be performed at the speed of an 80 year old sloth

My mom says there are four speeds: slow, medium, fast, and then me....
I was out and screaming 45 minutes after my mom's water broke.
I skipped walking and went from crawling to running at 8 months old.
I passed H.S. exams at 14, but wasn't allowed (by my homeschooling teachers, ie: my parents) to graduate until the summer I turned 16.
Three years later, I walked in my college graduation with my Bachelor's Degree at 19.
By 21, I was busy working out of my own business - contracting at local, state, and federal levels.

A Deaf friend, teaching me to write in a non-Roman script, got increasingly frustrated with my practicing and errors, "Slow down!! You'll be more accurate if you slow down!" Yeah, yeah, yeah.  I've heard that a million times before.

But now, as I'm sitting here, consolidating salvaged files from my May 2012 harddrive (which was in my laptop when it fell 3 feet off a desk and onto the floor -- accident) with my last backup from January 2012.

ENFJ -- must become ISTJ -- yuck. (No offense to any ISTJs out there - I'm sure you're the bomb, but it's just not me.) Suddenly, slow and steady wins the race. But man, I feel like I need to get out and run a marathon when I'm done... something to make up for all the lost time.

Or, maybe I'll finally just set up my laptop to update every night. (I can hear my mentor's audible sigh of relief from a continent away.)

adoption: a different view from the inside

This article is haunting me, so I'm going to share it. Not all children put up for adoption are orphans. I knew that. Yet, while I'd heard of families giving up their children because they simple can't afford to care for them, this is the first story I've read from the parents' perspective.

http://www.ethiomedia.com/2012_report/3743.html

Don't get me wrong - I am 100% pro-adoption. If the Lord wills, I myself want to adopt. However, I'm also convinced that sometimes even our very best intentions still aren't enough to outweigh the consequences of our ignorance. But, as usual, I don't have the answers... only more questions.

[Edit: Article with accompanying video here -- http://ecadforum.com/blog/2012/04/28/ethiopia-adoption-boom/ and Follow-up article here -- http://www.ethiomedia.com/2012_report/3767.html]

sums it up

Basically, this explains my life... :-)

Making decisions in a second language

A friend recommended this article (posted in Wired Science) yesterday. Very interesting. 

Thinking in a Foreign Language Makes Decisions More Rational 

For those of you who have a second and/or third language, I'm curious what your experience has been. In a way, I feel validated and reassured that I'm not crazy when I have to sort out my thoughts in SL before speaking/writing them in English. Though, I don't know that I ever could have articulated WHY I do so.

a welcome sight

... to start the day. :)
















Today's reminder: being thankful for the little things.

only in sign language

... does a translation comprehension check of Genesis 4 reveal a misunderstanding that Abel's blood soaked into the ground down to the layer of water underneath the earth's crust, causing an explosive reaction and creating a geyser shooting up out of the earth which was so loud that God heard it. And then later, in the same passage, get off on a tangent of how to properly sign how a Japanese ninja kills someone. ;-) Go ahead, just try to tell me my job isn't completely fascinating.

equality

Taking the train to Deaf fellowship tomorrow morning. A local person pays 100. I pay 3,000. The surprising truth is, I think that's fair. :-)

you know those perfect moments...

The fleeting wave of contented "life is totally good..." that just comes out of the blue. I have those when I'm working with translation teams on exegetical checking. I have them when I'm immersed in a Deaf environment, surrounded by brothers and sisters in the Lord. I love the sounds of the Deaf world. I can't explain or describe them to you, except to say they are familiar and they are part of what makes me feel at home.

handwashing my clothes for a month...
no A/C in a 7th story flat where I could see myself living
eating at a stall on the street
praising You for these moments

seeing pictures of friends back home getting married... getting engaged... having kids... beautifully bittersweet. i would still never exchange my life for theirs. YOU are my satisfaction and fulfillment. My inheritance is beautifully secure.

the very best thing

"He is always doing something--the very best thing, the thing we ourselves would certainly choose if we knew the end from the beginning."
~Elisabeth Elliot~

Interpreting for myself... (another internalized moment)

Sitting at my computer, 2 hours into trying to write a concept proposal paper for a SL (sign language) development vision, I had another "internalization moment." (After dialoguing with a colleague over my last blog post below, I realized I've had many such moments... I've just never written them down.)

So, I am struggling to write out this vision in English. However, in my head, I have it spatially arranged clearly in KSL (Kenyan Sign Language). Why? Well, I do process things mentally in SL. BUT, the reason, I believe is this: for a week, as I sat in on various meetings with NGOs... I was listening, taking in audiological information (never a strong learning style for me). But the details I most clearly remember are the ones I signed while interpreting for several national Deaf. I'm sure the listening reinforced the details, but what I remember is in the form of mental pictures and spatial information tags in SL.

Basically, I'm sitting here trying to decide if I should just flip on my webcam, sign it all out in KSL, then go back through and interpret myself into English... or should I try to skip the first two steps and just try to close my eyes and interpret it out of my mental pictures. It is frustrating, but fascinates me just enough to make it bearable.

Any psycholinguists want to study my mental language processing? I just might volunteer my brain.

internalized

I've been signing American Sign Language (ASL) for years... almost 12 years, in fact. And started using sign language almost 17 years ago. I could communicate just about anything I wanted in ASL.

Then I moved to Kenya. To an international Deaf training center, where I became completely immersed in Kenyan Sign Language (KSL). Day and night. Work and play. 24/7. For 9 months. And, the transition from ASL-->mixed blend-->KSL was a rapid one. Conversations, jokes, stories, arguments, meetings, work, and play... all in KSL.

But this is what amazes me... Bible studies, church services, sermons, worship, fellowship, prayer time... all in KSL. In fact, in my last 4 months in Kenya, I stopped going to hearing church services all together. All my spiritual nourishment came from my time in Deaf fellowships under Deaf church leaders, during exegetical conversations over translating passages with Deaf colleagues, and my own personal time in the Word. (All but the latter, in KSL.)

Never before, in all my years of signing, had I felt that English was inadequate to express my heart to the Lord. But, in the months following my return to the USA from Kenya... I found myself subconsciously, instinctively switching to KSL in my alone prayer time, because the spoken English words fail me, and I knew I could express my thoughts clearly in KSL. (In the past, I'd never felt the need to pray in ASL in my one-on-one time with God!)

Somewhere along the way, somehow, what was once external, I had internalized. And, I think--as I've been unable to determine why I've felt so reluctant (and slightly scared, honestly) to lose KSL in an effort to switch back into ASL or any other SL--I've finally found one of the reasons. KSL was the venue through which my personal language of identity shifted.

Even now, 8 months since leaving East Africa, I still think (both internally and aloud) and often pray in Kenyan Sign Language... even if only in my head. I guess it's in there deep. However, in all my travels this spring, and all the exposure to more and more SLs, my own SL is morphing into an international hodge-podge. Ha! Yet I still find it easier to express myself in SL, where I have more dimensions at my disposal, more visual resources, more spatial freedom.... =)

“I cannot explain or understand how a language like Sign Language- the richest in expression, the most energetic...is still neglected and that only the Deaf speak it. This is ... one of the irrationalities of the human mind I cannot explain.” (Pierre Desloge)

way too cute

I'm staying this week at a flat that belongs to colleagues of mine who are out of town. I'm on the 18th floor, which provides plenty of opportunity to ride the elevator. ;-) Today, on my way down, a young mama and her adorable little 15 month old son joined me at the 16th floor.  "Tell her 'good morning'," she prompted her son. With an embarrassed smile, he buried his face in her legs. "Good morning!" I coaxed. As we descended, he snuck shy glances up at me while I spoke to his mama. They disembarked at the 4th floor, and mama said, "Tell her 'goodbye'!!" He hestitated for a second, then suddenly looked up and blew me a kiss as the elevator doors closed...  *melt* C'mon, now... "Awwwwwwwww!!!!"

eating implements, part 2 (with pictures)

Thailand... where you have your choice of whatever eating implements you'd like:
Fork.
Spoon.
Fork & Spoon.
Chopsticks.
Chopsticks & Spoon... wait, what?

Thai Noodle Soup

Lunch with friends

Riding in a tuktuk (public transportation)

Dinner at the Night Market ... delicious!

Sticky rice & mango (drizzled with coconut milk,
with toasted rice sprinkles)... yummy!

A fancy lunch

"The Africa I know...where my mind drifts to across the distance of a never-ending ocean..."

 

1 Cor 13:7, Easy-to-Read Version

"Love never gives up on people. It never stops trusting, never loses hope, and never quits."

what is your eating implement of choice?

With my family and friends in the States, I use a fork, knife and spoon. Generally, using the fork and spoon in my right hand unless cutting something with a knife, in which my fork then shifts to my left hand while I hold a knife in my right. The exception is foods like tacos, hamburgers, and sandwiches in which using my hands is acceptable. :)

Then I moved to Kenya. :) The eating implements of choice change to a decent sized spoon (rice, beans, githeri, soup) and/or my right hand (chappati, beef, ugali, sukuma wiki, chicken).

Among my Indian & Ethiopian friends, I dropped all implements except my right hand. :) This is, by far, my favorite way to eat. (Unless, of course, I'm the ONLY one eating with my hands, and everyone else is using cutlery -- I have only once found myself in this position, and it was very uncomfortable.)

A visit to Japan and out came the chopsticks. These are my second favorite eating implement. :) [However, I did discover on my last day, as I just had to try some famous Japanese Ramen at the airport before my flight left... that--even though I know how to use chopsticks--actually eating ramen with chopsticks is no easy task! I suddenly felt sorry for anyone sitting in the restaurant around me who had to witness such a thing as my (probably) terrible table manners! I tried my best!]

In the Philippines, it is back to fork, spoon, and knife -- but the method is different. Your hold the spoon in your right hand, and use the fork in your left hand to guide food onto my spoon. Pretty nifty strategy. :)

Fun, fun... sharing meals with people around the world is pretty cool.

the sharp seed of Love

Much-Afraid shrank back. "I am afraid," she said. "I have been told that if you really love someone you give that loved one the power to hurt and pain you in a way nothing else can."

"That is true," agreed the Shepherd. "To love does mean to put yourself into the power of the loved one and to become very vulnerable to pain, and you are very Much-Afraid of pain, are you not?"

She nodded miserably and then said shamefacedly, "Yes, very much afraid of it."

"But it is so happy to love," said the Shepherd quietly. "It is happy to love even if you are not loved in return. There is pain too, certainly, but Love does not think that very significant."

 Much-Afraid thought suddenly that He had the most patient eyes she had ever seen.

..."But, Much-Afraid, I have already warned you that Love and Pain go together, for a time at least. If you would know Love, you must know Pain too."

... It was true, just as He had said, it did cause piercing pain, but... then, suddenly, a sweetness she had never felt or imagined before tingled through her. It was bittersweet, but the sweetness was the stronger.

 Excerpt taken from Hinds' Feet on High Places by Hannah Hurnard. Tyndale House Publishers, 1975, pgs 25-8.

Unstoppable

Oh, Africa, why must you still keep my heart?
Oh, Asia, how I fear giving you my heart...
and opening up
and pouring out.
But the story doesn't stop here. It goes on.
It is not my story. It is His.
Of a Love so perfect, so holy, so complete--
that it defies all fear
it laughs in the face of limitations
it tears down walls
in simple, gentle sincerity.
It is... undeniable. Undefeated. Unquenchable.
Unstoppable.

new beginnings

I'm leaving again! =)

So, this is kind of funny -- When I left for Africa, I left on 8 Oct. When I got home from Africa, it was 8 July. Now, I leave for Asia on 8 Feb. No, this was not intentional, but apparently I have something going on with the number 8. Ha!

I've written a good many blog posts in my head this past week, but none that I've actually been able to change into coherent, linear, rational English. However, I think I can finally summarize my whirlwind of thoughts into this one equation:
what I gain - what I lose = no comparison
And, the end results, are always far beyond my silly little dreams.
That's just how my King works.

Though, some days, obedience still feels an awful lot like cliff-jumping. ;)

are we caught in the middle?

Just how close can I get, Lord, to my surrender... without losing all control?

Fearless warriors in a picket fence,
Reckless abandon wrapped in common sense,
Deep water faith in the shallow end,
And we are caught in the middle.
With eyes wides open to the differences:
The God we want and the God who is,
But will we trade our dreams for His?
Or are we caught in the middle?
Are we caught in the middle? 

~Casting Crowns, "Somewhere in the Middle"

simply put

The Truth sets free. 
and Love never fails.

i used to want to be someone else...

corrie ten boom. betty stam.
amy carmichael. mary slessor.
jackie pullinger. mother teresa.
elisabeth elliot. gladys aylward.
women who've blessed & convicted me.

but then, He whispered, "But I didn't make you them.
I made you to be you. Wholly Mine. For My glory."

know what? He was right. (surprise, surprise)
and there is nobody i'd rather be...

incredible relationships. international adventure.
new experiences. stretching moments.
overwhelming challenges. eternal victories.
squeezing heart-ache coupled with intense love.
knowing exactly why i'm alive... purposed.
indescribable, divine joy in the journey.

nope. i wouldn't trade my life for anyone's.

"'cause i'm not who i was when i took my first step
and i'm clinging to the promise: You're not through with me yet...'"
(Ginny Owens, "If You Want Me To")

surrender + obedience = the adventure of a lifetime.
i dare you to try it... with this one warning:
you will never be the same again.

He never makes mistakes

"God never makes mistakes. But He often deals differently with His disciples. He lets them grope their way in the dark until they fully learn how blind they are, how helpless, how absolutely in need of Him. What His methods will be with you I cannot foretell. But you may be sure that He has a reason for everything He does. You may not understand why He leads you now in this way and now in that, but you may, nay, you must believe that perfection is stamped on His every act." ~E. Prentiss, Stepping Heavnward

Today, I really, really miss...

~My little Gracie hugs... now I have to make do with a long-distance Skype "ILY" wave...
~The camaraderie of African handshakes...
~Signing 24/7 -- like breathing in and out...
~Eating with my hands... while elbow deep in conversation...
~Living, thinking, be-ing Deaf...
~Deaf fellowship & worship... the real, solid deal... like the heaven-kind...
~My international Deaf family members and precious, beautiful friends...